Devon and I from the age of 16, to 18, to our wedding day when we were 21.

Right now I should be on my way to work, but instead I decided I wanted to share something that I've been thinking about for a while. There are many reasons that I fell in love with my husband; the first and the second time. He was always charming, had the qualities that I loved, and I'm pretty positive he may be the nicest guy around. Well this semester has been such a busy one for us, but mostly him and his pure amazingness (I know it is not a word, but for now it is...) has shined through in everything he does. When we moved back to Rexburg in September we knew we'd be in for a busy semester but had no idea how busy. Devon has managed to keep his pre-med classes up, work, keep his bishopric calling busy, make it home 2 times for the loss of his mother, TA for his bio class, preside over the BYU-I Neuroscience Society and still be a perfect husband to his pregnant wife, and serve the Lord. Being so busy, I had no idea the blessings that would come to us. We've been able to meet new college students every monday night in our home, until I got too pregnant and grumpy to work and bake and entertain :(, we've been able to manage our time so we're still able to spend time together, complete multiple projects together, make a home for our soon to come baby and just learn to love and grow with each other. The last year and a half since Devon and I have been married has been an wonderful one, filled with joy and heartache at different points but the one thing that I have found that keeps us going is service, the temple, love, and the strength he has and constantly shows for our family. I love the Lord and I'm thankful for all the trials, busy schedules, and preparation that he has given our family, and each of us. I know that this semester was a busy one but I am thankful for all that I learned during it. How to be a better wife, prepare for being a mother, serve the Lord with all my heart, and many more. I know from this point on it will only get busier...so I guess all I can say at this point is, bring it on!

a note for lacy.

I know that Lacy is not born yet, but if I could just share with her some feelings right now here is how they would go:

1. I love you dearly and I cannot wait to hold you in my arms, be your mother and be able to teach you as you will so often teach me.
2. You are not a Cullen, stop trying to hit, kick, crawl out of me. It doesn't feel good and you have another month before that is okay. Just hang in there because soon enough you'll be wishing you were back in my 98.6 degree body instead of freezing cold Rexburg, ID.
3. I know you'll be beautiful.
4. Your father memorized the young women theme for you already...He's pretty excited ;) and he will always always go above and beyond.
5. I still love you.
6. You're full term in less than a month so feel free to come anytime after Dec 7 :)
7. I'll see you soon princess.

Love, Your mother.

i love my job.

To those of you that know me, I’m sure you’ve realized by now that I am sort of drawn to people with developmental disabilities. It’s the career path I’ve chosen - not for me, but because I love them. I love going to work every day and helping people with disabilities become an active part of society and hold important roles. I recently attended a training at work on community inclusion. The teacher started out by giving us a piece of paper with a circle on it (everyone should try this). In that circle we drew pictures of people who were our closest friends/family whatever, people we knew that got us through every day. So my circle had a picture of a steeple (that’s all I can really draw lol) a stick figure of my husband, circle faces representing all my closest friends, my family, and my clients that I adore(for those of you who know Richie, Katie, and Mike ;). I was feeling pretty proud of my circle not completely understanding why I drew it when the teacher asked us what kind of stuff we had in there. "Church? Family? Friends at work? etc…" and then she asked us, “Out of everyone in your circle, who is paid to be there supporting you? Cross out everyone that is not paid.” Shocked and feeling sad about crossing everyone off I just made check marks next to everyone and of course no one was left. Then she told us to take a look into the lives of our consumers that we support, how many people do they have that are still in their circle. For most of the people that we support at work it isn’t much. (People with developmental disabilities aren’t the only ones that live with many of their relationships being paid. There is also the homeless, mentally ill, institutionalized, and others.)

I love my consumers/clients but I am one of the people that is paid to help them, along with their doctor, psychiatrist, care home provider, transportation, and the list goes on and on. Many days after I leave my consumer they don’t have any more contact outside of their care home, the person that takes care of them and the other residents. That is where my job came in. “Officially” my title is Employment Training Specialist and I work one-on-one with consumers and job coach them in volunteer and paid sites in areas that they enjoy. At these sites I support them so they can work hard and become a part of their community. It is at these sites that they make friends that know their names, appreciate them for the work they do and really give them value. I have one consumer that volunteers at the food bank in Sacramento, as many people know, it is very large. When we walk in everyone knows his name and treats him like he’s the best thing that’s ever happened. Many of us have that in our jobs now, in our churches, and some even in the grocery store, coffee shop and other locations. How often do we take this for granted? We’re able to make and keep these relationships that many others so often do not have.

A Thank You
To go on with this subject, last night Devon and I went out to listen to music in the park, a concert that goes on every Friday night in Sac. There we just sat in the grass enjoying the music and watching the hundreds of people and their families. We really enjoyed it, but one of the people I noticed had a disability. He was older, there with his family and wearing sponge bob pajamas, and dancing to and enjoying the music and company. After the concert we went for a walk and ended up at an ice cream parlor; a VERY packed ice cream parlor. I was watching a family leave and noticed a teenage boy whose father was walking behind him holding his shoulders because he was anxious and he began flapping his hands - q sure sign of this boys autism. I thought about how wonderful it was that his family was able to take him to a place like this an enjoy the night, which was probably hard for the son but he was able to go and enjoy ice cream as well. When I told Devon about it he pointed out another high school aged girl with a developmental disability eating ice cream with her parents. All I have to say to these families is thank you. Thank you for getting your children/siblings/friends out there and involved so that they can enjoy society as well and society can learn more about them.

It has been a dream/desire of mine to adopt a child with Down syndrome for a while now. I love the loving spirit that they bring into their families and the pure goodness of their hearts. I think that most my family thinks that I am crazy and maybe it is too much but I think that because of my career choices and experiences I’ve been blessed with I can create a home that pushes that child to be the best that they can be and love and support them so that they are able to become that person that people look to. The one in the food bank that everyone knows, or the one working the door at the temple and greeting everyone. There are so many opportunities that people with disabilities can be given if we just allow it to happen. It is my hope that people in society can let go of the stigma that goes along with all disabilities and just to learn to love people as they are; children of our Heavenly Father. I hope that we can all do our part in keeping this up.

inspirational reading and yogi bear.

Recently I’ve been reading one of those inspirational books from Deseret Book. One with a lady who was a former member of the relief society board or something…I cannot remember her exact calling but she is pretty legit. Oh…her name is Mary Ellen Edmunds! So I’ve been reading this book “Peculiar in a Good Way” and she just talks about how good people can become better. I have really enjoyed it because it makes me really reflect on my life and how and what I can do to be better. At the end of chapters she also gives suggested reading or quotes that go along with what she is talking about. It has really been nice to read along with my study time to feel the spirit in my life.

I think the main reason I bring this up is because sometimes I can get behind in the things that I like to do. When I get behind I get the feelings of inadequacy that go along with it or feelings like I don’t deserve what I have been blessed with. This book has helped with that along with a movie I recently watched…Yogi Bear tonight. I thought it sounded like a silly movie to rent but Devon decided he wanted to watch it.

During the movie Yogi feels like a failure and he needs to be just an average bear, no longer “smarter than the average bear”. He moves through the forest in a slump when Booboo finally finds him. Booboo tells Yogi that he needs his help to save the forest and Yogi tells Booboo that he cannot help because he is just an average bear. Booboo then tells Yogi that he is more than an average bear and if he doesn’t use that for good than he will just be an average bear. It may sound silly but the first thing that came to my mind was the gift of the Gospel in my life. I’ve been blessed with this tremendous gift that only a few have and it is my job or my responsibility to share it with others. Booboo shared the pick-me-up and reminder that everyone needs to continue, which is another responsibility that we have as members of the church. We must be there to lift each other to keep the work moving forward. So women, if you need a nice pick me up check out Mary Ellen Edmunds “Peculiar in a Good Way” or some of her other books – OR – just watch Yogi the Bear.

job searching.

We all love looking for jobs and going to countless interviews and sending in applications and competing with others...NOT. I have been sending my resume in quite a bit lately trying to find a job that will help my husband and I make enough money to stay alive while we're in California. Yesterday and Today I've had the chance to interview with a company that I would love to work for. It is job coaching people with developmental disabilities. Pretty amazing right? So yesterday my interview went pretty well I'd like to think. I answered the questions alright and the only questions they really asked me were about my long term goals. Easy, I want a family, to get my masters in occupational therapy and I would love to adopt a child with downs syndrome. That was my only question. So I thought today would be similar to yesterday, laid back...Wrong again! So today I got invited back for another "second interview". This time it was me, another girl and a team leader. We went to areas where we knew consumers would be working and had to observe their behaviors and the way that their job coaches dealt with them. Then when we got back to the facility we had to write two paragraphs on the behaviors we saw, how the job coaches dealt with them, if their techniques were effective and what we would do differently. Intense right? And of course this whole time me and the other girl knowing we were competing against each other. Never have I been so thankful for all of the experiences I've been blessed to have in the last year. My ABA training, DS training and staff observations saved my butt! So here it goes. That process was a good one for me to go through, although I don't find out if I got the job or not until Monday or Tuesday, being able to put my knowledge and skills to the test was a blessing.
So interviews, we have a love/hate relationship. You keep me from being too rusty and you give me a nice little bit of anxiety. Thanks.

autism and addiction, separately of course.

Temple Grandin, named one of the 100 most influential people in the world by TIME magazine and people today still do not know who she is and what she has done. She was diagnosed with autism in the 1950's where her mother was advised to put Temple into an institution. Against the wishes of "the world" her mother went on to raise her and Temple has overcome obstacles to go on and earn a bachelors of science in psychology, a masters and doctorate in animal science, a professor at Colorado State University and after her masters program created a new system to slaughter cows in a more humane way where now 50% of slaughter houses in the US use this system!...BUT that is not it, she went on to be a become a advocate for autism and understanding the way people with this disability think and better ways to teach them.

Last Wednesday I had an amazing opportunity to hear her speak at Idaho State University. I gained some super cool insight into how to help children with autism and the difficulties that they face. As everyone knows, this is what I do for a living, the chosen career path. I work with children and adults with developmental disabilities and create life skill programs to help them gain independence in their lives. I have thought so many times how much I would love to spend the day inside one of my clients heads, specifically a client with an autism spectrum disorder and Wednesday night was the closest I will ever come. So Temple, thank goodness you're so great and I was blessed enough to see you.

AND FOR THOSE OF YOU WHO WOULD LIKE TO KNOW MORE...Rent the Temple Grandin Movie by HBO. Claire Danes did excellent :)



....So issues of another sort. I have an addiction to Garden Veggie Crisps, so for anyone out there looking for a little healthier alternative to potato chips. They're wonderfully delightful.

work work work.

Tonight I am enjoying my last few hours of peace before my early morning 7 am supervisor meeting and pretty much the next 2 busiest weeks of job working life. It pretty much brings me back to college and finals weeks, something I thought I was through with. On Friday I got accepted into an IBI class in Pocatello where I will be traveling to Wednesday - Saturday for the next 2 weeks. IBI, or Intensive Behavioral Intervention, is a class dealing with kids with behavioral problems that should open a lot of doors for me. I am really excited but it makes me think twice about it too. Sometimes I wonder if I'm given the life experiences and opportunities for the children I will have. Am I learning how to deal with kids with behavioral problems because I will have little monster children or am I reading into this too much? Well it was just a thought I guess.



my future child?

a jumble of feelings.

So I've had a realization; I have sucked at blogging. I used to love the time I would spend reflecting and writing a few times a month and it seems that I have forgotten what it felt like. So now I am here ;)

I have spent the last few months working hard creating programs to help people with developmental disabilities become more independent, while my wonderful husband works even harder studying to get into medical school. We've had ups and downs and lots of exciting moments but really our life is just wonderful. Last Saturday we welcomed a new member to our family, Alfredo Milano, our new beta. I asked for a dog, Devon bought me a fish and it seems as if that's where the compromise will stay for a while.

This new life; graduating from school, getting married, working full time, and serving in a family ward has proven to be much different than I originally expected. I think I blogged awhile ago about expectations, and I didn't know exactly what I had in mind this time. I can remember thinking that I would have so much more time to do all the things I wanted once I graduated. One word for that thought: HA! I spend my time getting ready for work running out the door and by the time I get home after spending most my day with autistic children I'm so worn out all I want to do is go to bed. I couldn't imagine throwing children into the mix, so here is to you working mothers! There are quite a few where I work and I just want to say, you're all amazing.

I've been trying to find balance in my life. When to further my education, when to start a family, enjoy my life now and figuring out what Heavenly Father would have me do. It's a daily struggle, this balancing act. I'm still trying to figure it out and if I ever get any further in figuring out I'll share. I'm thankful for life though. For an amazing husband that works so hard, for the Gospel of Jesus Christ, for great friends, wonderful family, and a testimony. I know with those things I can make anything happen.

us.

For Devon's birthday we went down to Salt Lake for a night over New Years to celebrate and ended up hiking Ensign Peak. It was amazing. He was amazing. It was so nice to get away and do the things we love. I'll update more soon. ♥